Meet the Parents
In dating relationships, there usually comes a point in time when you are introduced to your significant other’s parents. I brought Tyler home to meet my family last month. I prepared him for their antics ahead of time, and fortunately they were on their best behavior. He had described his family as quiet and laid-back. I replied, “Have you ever seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding? My family is the Irish version of that, right down to my mother trying to make you Irish.” You see, when I told my mom his last name, she asked, “Is that German?” I answered, “I think it’s English.” My mother replied, “Oh, well it’s not Irish, but I guess it’s close enough.” She seems to ignore the fact that my father has very little Irish blood in him.
Despite Tyler’s lack of Irish heritage, he passed their inspection….I think it was mostly because he dressed up and didn’t lay a finger on me the entire time.
Compare that to my youngest sister’s boyfriend’s introduction to the parents this Thanksgiving. He showed up wearing a t-shirt that had the words “Get Carded” on the front and jeans with holes in the back pockets. He also kissed my sister’s ear, in front of our parents. I watched my mom’s eyes shoot daggers at him from across the table. Not a smooth move.
Then I met Tyler’s parents last weekend. I’m not going to lie, parents love me. Heck, when I was in high school, I had quite a fan club of mothers that wanted me to go out with their sons. Of course, the sons preferred to be chasing the blond cheerleaders at the time, but still. I wasn’t worried about meeting his parents. I went with him to the church he grew up in. I talked to his grandmother for all of 30 seconds, and apparently that was enough to make her really like me as well. This inspired me to write down some ways to impress the parents:
1. Dress conservatively but stylishly. This means no jeans or t-shirts, at least for the first meeting. It also means no cleavage and nothing too tight, but also still looking younger than his mother.
2. Genuinely compliment then. Comment on a dish that the mother made, how she’s decorated her house, or that she looks fabulous. Compliment the father on whatever it is that he does.
3. Bring a hostess gift, such as flowers or a loaf of bread.
4. Compliment them on how they raised their child.
5. Find out from your significant other ahead of time about their hobbies and ask them about it.
6. Keep the PDA to an absolute minimum, if at all, when around the parents.
7. Be positive and outgoing. Works for me every time.
Add comment November 30, 2009 everythingforareason
I’m Not a Bar Girl
I spent the last week on vacation in the Los Angeles area with my best friend Ellie and her roommate. We went as a combination birthday celebration for all 3 of us, since Ellie turned 30 a couple of weeks ago, her roommate’s birthday was the next day, and my 25th birthday is in 2 weeks. Fortunately, we already had the hotel and flights booked before I lost my job, so I was still able to go. I’m just trying not to think about all the other unexpected expenses I had while I was out there. California is ridiculously expensive. I don’t know how anyone affords to live there.
While we were there, we tried out some night life. Thursday night we got into the Sky Bar, which is a very exclusive lounge on the Sunset Strip. Apparently it’s a celebrity hangout and very difficult to be granted entrance. We got in with no problem, and did see the comedian Eddie Griffin while we were there. I didn’t know who he was, but Ellie and her roommate did. I sipped my one $15 amaretto sour and people watched, because bars aren’t my thing. Drunk people make me uncomfortable, I don’t like getting hit on by strange men, and they are generally too loud to carry on a conversation, so what’s the point? I was actually bored after a while.
Saturday night we tried to get into MyHouse in Hollywood, which is an exclusive dance club. No such luck. We weren’t on “the list,” and even some people that were on “the list” didn’t get in. I’m sorry, but I have a real problem with businesses acting like I’m not good enough to give them my money, which is yet another reason I don’t like bars.
I had a great time on the trip otherwise. We went out on Santa Monica Beach, Venice Beach, saw a tour of the stars’ homes, went to Hollywood and saw the Walk of Fame, the wax museum and the Hollywood Museum, ate at Mel’s Drive-in (definitely NOT famous for their food though, let me tell ya!), toured Warner Brothers Studio, and drove up the Pacific Coast Highway and saw Malibu. We even got on a taping of “The Price is Right.” Watch the episode airing January 21st and you will see the 3 of us wearing obnoxious hot pink t-shirts and screaming and clapping like idiots in the audience.
I’ve always been puzzled at the attraction of “going out.” Loud, smoky, drunkenness? Give me a quiet evening at home or tickets to the symphony any day. I think I was born in the wrong era.
Malibu
Add comment November 18, 2009 everythingforareason
No Drama
The following interaction is found in the movie “Ghost of Girlfriends Past”:
Jenny: I was always attracted to assholes.
Connor: Thank you very much.
Jenny: Well, you know what I mean, though. Projects, guys I thought I could fix. Probably has something to do with my dad.
Connor: Probably.
Jenny: After you left, I made a vow to myself to date only fully functional, well-adjusted men. No more works-in-progress, no dirt bags.
Connor: So, basically, women.
Jenny: Basically women.
Connor: So how strong of a vow is your no-dirt bags policy?
Jenny: I had it tattooed on my ass.
Connor: OK, look, I know I dropped the ball before a bit, but I have changed, I swear.
Jenny: No you haven’t.
Connor: I have. I’m seeing things in a whole different way tonight, alright? I love you, I think. I mean, I always have. You’re the one I was supposed to be with.
Jenny: Wait, Connor, stop it. I hear what you’re saying, and I think right now you actually believe it. But I know you. Tomorrow morning, I’ll wake up, and you won’t be there.
I am finding myself struggling with what to write these days about my love life since I don’t feel right talking specifics about our relationship in a public forum and I am, well, happy. There really isn’t much to mock or complain about that what actually make for an interesting blog entry. My relationship with Tyler is just so easy. It is drama-free, even though I lost my job the day of our third date and I ranted about it over steak. His response? “What can I do? Whatever you need, I’ll do it. I’m here for support.” He’s also told me that he is the luckiest guy alive to be with me, and that I am the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to him. He is there every single day. There are no mixed-messages with him.
Being without drama in a relationship is pretty much a foreign concept to me. It’s nice. It’s really nice. I’ve wondered where it is, however, which makes me pose the question: Do some people naturally attract relationships with intense emotional highs and lows? Do some people go looking for projects? I think I have in the past….I have grown.
Add comment November 7, 2009 everythingforareason
Trophy Wife
I just got back from a Halloween costume party and I dressed up as—you guessed—it a trophy wife. It was quite a hit. I don’t normally post photos of myself here (except for the icon, but that’s tiny and only shows my face) because I generally don’t want strangers to know what I look like, but the costume was too fun to not share.
The amazing thing was that the whole outfit cost me $5 for the ribbon. I wore the wig 3 years ago as Marilyn Monroe, and everything else is mine. The best part? I bought the dress when I was 16!
Add comment October 31, 2009 everythingforareason
Letter to my Neighbors
My dear neighbors (who will never read this, but I still need to put it out there in case the reader recognizes himself doing the same things),
You live in an apartment building, not your own free-standing house. Please remember that you have neighbors, using the same sidewalk, lawn, parking lot, courtyard, and dumpster as you. With that in mind, I have some helpful suggestions for showing respect for your neighbors:
1. Don’t haul out the entire contents of your unit and put them in and around the dumpster the day that the trash is taken, thereby forcing the other 7 tenants to find somewhere else to put their trash for a week. Don’t think I didn’t notice the couch that you wedged on-end in the dumpster.
2. Clean up after your pets. Seriously.
3. Don’t let your kids run around unsupervised. Cars whip around the alley behind the building and I don’t trust the shady people that I see passing by all the time. It would take 2 seconds to run them over or kidnap them. You don’t even know me, for that matter, and your kids have tried to follow me into my home on numerous occasions. Fortunately, I’m safe.
4. Everyone else doesn’t want to hear you and your buddy enjoying the subwoofers in your trunk at 7:30 in the morning.
5. Don’t leave personal belongings on the stoop. I shouldn’t have to step over your trash or your laundry to get out of my unit. Don’t be lazy.
Thanks much,
Your mild-mannered neighbor
Add comment October 30, 2009 everythingforareason
Better Days
Things are gradually breaking in the career department. Last week Southern Illinois University Medical School scheduled me to test for a couple of different positions. I took one exam today and the other is tomorrow. The HR lady that I talked to today told me that she hardly ever sees a score as high as mine, so I am pretty much guaranteed an interview. Yeah, I’m a rockstar. 
I’m tossing around the idea of going to grad school at night for an MBA in Human Resource Management if I end up in one of these non-design positions. I would be good at it, Robert Morris University has a decent program here, and let’s face it, the architecture and design industry doesn’t look very promising for the near future.
Additionally, last Friday I received a call from a design studio that I sent a blind resume to a couple of weeks ago. I will be interviewing with them on Thursday. I’m excited about it since it seems like a cool place and it’s only about 30 miles from where I live now. I wouldn’t want to live there since the town is pretty much the armpit of Illinois, but 30 miles is a doable commute, and then I wouldn’t have to move.
Another beacon of hope is that I interviewed today for a part-time job that would be easy to do while I look for full-time work. I would be earning just under the threshold for losing some of my unemployment, which means that I would get to have the extra income on top of unemployment. It still wouldn’t be as much as I was making as a designer, but it would help.
It also doesn’t hurt to have an incredibly sweet and supportive boyfriend through all of this. Timing is a very interesting thing.
Add comment October 27, 2009 everythingforareason
The 2009 equivalent of “going steady”
Remember the “Tyler” guy that I was set up with several months back? Well, we’re an official couple now. He’s an awesome guy—pursues me, treats me wonderfully, cares about me, takes care of me, attractive, has a job, is self-supporting, has a good personality, loves God, agrees with me politically, likes classical music, sweet, dresses well, makes me the #1 person in his life, affectionate, romantic, and talks about the future. Most guys I’ve known in the past wouldn’t even talk about anything past next weekend. In fact, not only am I taking him home to meet my parents next weekend, but it was his idea and he’s excited about it. It’s a pretty big deal for me too, since I’ve never brought a guy home before.
Although the definition of being in a relationship is not something I am used to, I am definitely used to the limbo-land of early dating. How did it go from Limbo Land to Relationshipville? We were cuddling last weekend when he said, “So, I’ve been thinking….and it’s kind of a big deal, so I didn’t want to do it over the phone….what would you say about us changing our relationship statuses on Facebook?” (For any readers that haven’t yet joined the world of Facebook, a relationship status is something you can include in your profile to let your friends know if you’re single, in a relationship, engaged, or married. If you’re involved with someone, you can even link their name to it. Neither Tyler nor I even had a relationship status listed since before we met.)
I let him sweat for about 5 seconds, and told him that I would like that. When I reported to my mom later that Tyler and I were officially boyfriend and girlfriend, she said, “Did he ask you to go steady?” I just had to chuckle, since it’s adorable that my mom still talks about dating from the 70s. I explained the whole Facebook relationship status concept to her, and she commented, “I guess that’s the 2009 equivalent of asking a girl to go steady!”
Add comment October 17, 2009 everythingforareason
Observations of the Unemployed
1. These last two weeks have gone by really fast.
2. I enjoyed not having to go into work for about 10 days or so. Now, I’ve got to admit that I’m starting to crave that continuous human interaction.
3. My home uniform of track pants and a hoodie is starting to make me feel kind of “blah.” Now I at least put on a pair of jeans to go to the grocery store.
4. The gym is blissfully quiet about 9 AM. No one bothering me, and I can get on any piece of equipment I like.
5. My body’s natural sleep time is around 1 AM to 9 AM, which explains why I don’t talk much before then if I do have to be awake.
6. I am incapable of “vegging out.” I always have to be DOING something.
7. Friends are very sympathetic and invite me to hang out, but rarely offer to pay. Um….I don’t have a job, remember?
8. To say that the job market is tight is the understatement of the week. I’ve applied to probably 30 places already and haven’t received so much as a phone call, and this is someone with a bachelor’s degree and 9 years of work experience.
9. The internet is the most wonderful invention ever for a job seeker. It makes searching and applying as painless as possible. I was also able to apply for unemployment online, which saved me the embarrassment of having to go to an office.
10. Some employers ask the most inane questions. For example, the State of Illinois government asked me to write down how many college credit hours I had in each topic. Not sure why they care that I had 5 credit hours in genetic biology, 4 in textiles, and 3 in film appreciation, but whatever floats their boat I guess.
11. When people ask me how my day was, I’m kind of starting to sound like a retired person: “Well, I had breakfast…then I exercised…then I took a shower and got dressed…then I went to the grocery store….then I checked my e-mail…then I had lunch…then I made some butternut squash soup for dinner later…..”
It’s only temporary. I know. I’ll find something soon. I know. God has a plan. It’s just a really weird situation for someone who has never been without a job since the age of 16 to be in.
Add comment October 15, 2009 everythingforareason
Wonder Woman
I met my youngest sister’s new boyfriend last Friday night. He seems like a decent guy, but I felt the need to set the score from the get-go. My sister introduced us, and then I put my hands on my hips and said, “OK, I don’t have any brothers, so I’m going to have to do this as the big sis. You better treat my baby sister right.”
My sister’s boyfriend got this scared look on his face, and said, “Or else what?”
I replied, “Hey, I work out. I can kick your butt.”
I think he actually believed me. Truth be told, there’s no way that I could take down a 6-feet-tall 20-year-old guy, but as long as he thinks that I have a shot, that’s all that matters.
Add comment October 6, 2009 everythingforareason
A door closes…where’s the window?
I am the latest casualty in economic “cutbacks.” It’s surreal how the course of your life can change in a matter of seconds, and you have no control over it.
I went into work yesterday morning like a normal day. Nothing seemed different, nothing to reveal that anything was amiss. About 1:45, my phone buzzed and the owner of my firm called me into the conference room. I thought he had one of his little projects that he needed me to do for him. I walked in and saw him and the vice president, the main “boss,” seated and looking very somber. My immediate thought? I’m in trouble for personal internet use and text messaging at my desk. A large knot formed in my stomach as I sat down. Then the owner said, “As you know, we have suffered due to the economy. There’s no work coming in, and there hasn’t been for a while. We’re going to have to make some cutbacks on staff.” My heart started racing as I waited for the follow-up words. Instead of hearing them though, they both just looked down at the table and remained quiet. I finally had to ask, “Am I losing my job?” They then confirmed. I gasped and my head started spinning. I got it together and said, “How much longer do I have?” The reply? “We will pay you for the next two weeks but you don’t have to come in, so you have time to look for a job.” Yeah, two weeks is all I need to find another job. Thanks. They weren’t even man enough to TELL ME themselves. I had to ASK. If you’re going to lay off a little 24-year-old girl, at least grow a pair and do it right.
At this point, I had two choices: I could throw a fit and burn bridges on the way out, or I could be the class act that I am. I chose the latter. I thanked them for giving me the experience, told them that it was a pleasure to work with them, said that I understood, and left the room. Then I broke the news to everyone else, and that’s when I lost it. Everyone was floored. No one saw this coming. No one had heard anything about it being so bad that layoffs were coming. It also made everyone else worry about who is next. I am their warning, apparently….I’m the head on the stake.
After I notified my co-workers, I cried in the bathroom for a couple of minutes, composed myself, and started going through my things: threw some stuff out, handed off my projects to other people to finish, saved my personal files off my PC, and packed up my belongings. I was gone by 3:45.
I only slept for 3 hours last night. I just couldn’t shut my brain off. I was up by 5 this morning, and started e-mailing people. Then I made a list and accomplished the following things:
1. Updated my resume
2. Updated my profile on careerbuilder.com
3. Went to the gym
4. Showered, dressed, and generally got myself together
5. E-mailed half the continent it seems like to let them know
6. Attempted to cancel my cable (they didn’t want to lose me so they got me an awesome deal)
7. Canceled my hair and massage appointments
8. Went into the office to get project files for my portfolio, ask for a letter of recommendation and a letter of termination, turn in my parking pass and say goodbye
9. Filed for unemployment
10. Verified with my landlord that I’m on a month-to-month lease
Where do I go from here? I don’t know. Architecture and design firms aren’t hiring….all I hear about is layoffs. I know that God has a plan for me, but it’s pretty dark from where I’m standing.
2 comments October 2, 2009 everythingforareason
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