I’ve decided that I’m going to share my experience with eHarmony with the cyber world. The last few days since I joined, I’ve been doing a lot of “research” online for internet dating advice, and have gotten quite a bit. What I enjoyed the most, though, was hearing how it went along the way. I’m giving this the old college try. I don’t have much luck dating people I already know, so maybe going into it with the goal of dating is a more efficient strategy.

For starters, I think that most people know how eHarmony works by now, but if you aren’t familiar with the concept, I’ll explain it. You spend about 2 hours filling out a personality test, preferences, and a profile, and the system takes your information and matches you with people that are compatible with you. So far, it has been right-on for me. The vast majority of the matches that I’ve received have similar values, interests, and personalities as me. When you receive matches, you can look at their profiles and photos (if they have them posted). If there’s no photo, you can send them a “nudge” for them to post a photo. I’ve found that it’s usually non-paying members that don’t have a photo up, because you have to subscribe to put up a photo or communicate with other people. I think a lot of people sign up just to see what it’s like, and then don’t subscribe because they get scared or it’s too expensive. eHarmony isn’t cheap—but that’s one of the reasons I chose it. I figure that any guy willing to put out that kind of money 1. has a decent income, and 2. is serious about finding a quality relationship. If they just wanted booty they can sign up on a cheaper site. Anyway, if you like a match’s profile, you can send an “icebreaker” or start the “guided communication” process. Guided communication takes the awkwardness out of e-mailing a total stranger by letting you select questions to ask each other and sending your lists of “must-haves and can’t stands” to each other. This way, you have a better idea of if you even want to e-mail with this person. It’s also easy to reject someone too….all you have to do is click “close match” at any point during this process.

My personality profile is complex, and my preferences are picky. This is part of why I have trouble finding someone suitable to date in “real life.” My preferences for age are set 21-31, Christian, non-smoker, no kids, wants kids in the future, drinks no more often than once a week, and lives within a 300 mile radius of me (I tried the 1000 mile long-distance relationship once before, and it didn’t work. We never even got together because I was out of sight, out of mind for him. I’m giving him the nickname of The Traveler because this is the third post that I’ve referred to him so far—see Saga of a single girl and It happened one night). Well, it’s been 2 days and I’ve received over 30 matches already.

Now, for the selection process. I kind of feel like I’m both shopping and interviewing job candidates. Right now I’m reading “resumes,” and then I’ll decide who gets a “phone interview,” which may lead to the in-person “interview.” The first day, I received requests for communication from 2 different guys. One guy claims to be a med student about 3 hours away from me, and we have very similar interests, values, and priorities. I’m kind of so-so on his photos, but I like his profile and answers enough to give him a chance. So far, I wouldn’t mind meeting him. The other guy I’m kind of so-so about too, and we just read each others “must haves and can’t stands.” I’m thinking of closing him down because he says that he must have someone that likes to stay in and he can’t stand people who flirt….I occasionally like to stay in but for the most part I’m on the go, and I do flirt without even realizing it.

That leaves the rest that haven’t contacted me. I saw that one guy looked at my profile but didn’t initiate contact, but also didn’t close me either. He’s another med student, tall, cute pics, again very similar interests/values, about an hour and a half away from me. I’m liking the med students. I requested communication with him, and about 8 or so other guys. There were a few with no picture posted, so I sent them “photo nudges.” Then there were quite a few that I closed. eHarmony doesn’t let you specify height preferences, and I’m a fairly tall woman (5′-9″). I just CAN’T date guys that are shorter than me. I did contact guys that are my height exactly, but not shorter. The shorter ones I closed, no matter how wonderful their profiles were. I closed a few guys that are NOT attractive to me or were just too far away to have regular weekend visits. One guy’s profile looked like it was made by a bot—full of misspellings, grammar mistakes, and went on and on about searching for a wife. Oh, and he said that he lived with his parents. At 27 years old. Um, NO. Closed that sucker down fast.

There’s been a couple of guys that have closed me, too. Miffed, I looked at their profiles, trying to reason why (because most people check “other” when listing a reason for closing a match). Most were shorter than me, so I understand that one. Then there were the guys who had profiles very similar to my own and closed me. Why, I don’t know. Many people have used many different ways of telling me that I’m attractive, so I doubt that it’s because they didn’t like my pics. Maybe they’re weirdos that only date girls that are extremely specific, like 5′5″, with red hair, and green eyes, and since I don’t fit that they closed me. Or they’re married and just wanted to see if they’d get matched up with their wives. Huh who knows. I don’t really care though, because I have more than enough remaining matches to keep me busy, and more keep coming in every day.

Hopefully this all is worth it. I was optimistic and only signed up for a 3-month payment, and I’d really rather not have this go on longer than that anyway, so keep your fingers crossed.